Going Through the Motions
by pm153
Summary: Set during The Christmukkah Bar Mitzvahkkah. Ryan explains his relationship with Marissa.


Going Through the Motions

_General/Romance-T  
Summary: Set during The Christmukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah. Ryan explains his relationship with Marissa._

_A/N: This is my first venture into OC fan fiction. This show is my life, literally, it takes up about 95 of my time (sad I know). I'm warning Marissa fans and Ryan/Marissa fans in advance that they may not appreciate this. I just don't think they make sense as a couple, although I do admit they have their occasional moments. This is basically written out in keeping with my dislike for Marissa and the train wreck that is season 3. I hope I didn't switch trains of thought too quickly and it all flows logically. Reviews appreciated._

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Ryan straightened his tie and studied his reflection in the bathroom mirror, checking for anything that needed to be set into place before he went to humiliate himself in front of the whole town. The small portion of Hebrew words he had been forced to memorize sloshed around in a massed confusion in his brain and he wondered how they could possibly make up an entire language.

He added another dollop of gel and combed his now short hair an extra time, briefly wishing his long bangs were still there and he hadn't listened to Kirsten's suggestion that he cut them when he had visited her over the summer. His stomach growled in desperate yearning for sustenance but he had no interest in finding something to eat. He had barley had a thing since before yesterday afternoon. The sight of Marissa and Johnny intimately hugging below the pier had already more than ruined his appetite for a while.

Ryan sighed and rebuttoned his left sleeve which had come undone yet again.

It was times like this he wondered why he bothered trying.

If there was one thing that ceased to amaze him about Marissa it was her continuity in doing the same things over and over again. He was now convinced she was impervious to change.

Luke had been forced out of the town he had lived in his whole life in order to "let things go back to normal for her". Oliver had nearly blown his head off when she turned him down. Alex had looked about ready to jump back in her car and drive herself off a cliff after she chucked that beer at him, clearly distraught and confused before she split. Trey had managed to label himself with some more unforgiving titles. It was funny that after spending some time with her, his brother was suddenly a cokehead and near-rapist, not to mention a coma patient for three months. Johnny would have still been happy with Casey, surfing the swells and walking upright had it not been for her graceful introduction into his life. He gave DJ props, he had managed to wheel himself out before he got into deep, having obviously seen the red flags flashing "psycho ahead get out while you can". It was too bad that so many others had missed the warning signals.

Hadn't Marissa learned by now, that anytime she became involved the misfortunate, they always ended up ten times worse than they had been before?

Hell, Ryan had almost fallen victim to the Marissa Cooper effect. He was just lucky that he was resilient and smart and that he was able to catch himself just in the nick of time before he was completely dragged down with her.

He knew how it worked. Marissa Cooper's art of seduction was a subtle, subtle, craft, something only able to be constructed and perfected by the most sensitive and selfish of drama queens.

First, she floated around as the picture of beauty and innocence, all big blue eyes and pointy collar bones, as if she was the most delicate creature in the world and the unsuspecting person would just _have_ to have her. It was the most subtle step of the process. She got them hooked in at hello.

The second step would be the obvious "friends" stage. What it _really_ meant in Marissa language was "I'm going to be the sweetest and most caring best friend you've ever had and pretend like I _don't_ expect you to fall in love with me." Granted most of the subjects never met such a beautiful girl who just happened to be unbelievably nice and willing to be their friend too.

Next would come the grand gesture. Marissa would do something extraordinary for them, something life-changing or whatever and the victim would be forever indebted to her. The constant time spent with them combined with the huge favor would yield its desired result. The target would fall in love.

The final move was the rejection. The subject would confess his (or her) undying love for Marissa, their inability to be without her. And the princess would sit there and pretend to be shocked. She had thought that they were just _friends_. She had no idea that they felt that way. They hardly ever took the news easy. They more than often snapped, carrying out some drastic measure that in some way always managed to frighten or endanger her. And thus, all was complete and Marissa became the victim again, in desperate need of rescue and comfort.

In desperate need of _therapy_ was what she was. He had never seen her parents' logic in ending those psychiatrist sessions.

Ryan suspected she did it for the attention, a longing to remain the damsel in distress, the center of the universe, the one everyone felt sorry for.

Ryan wondered if that therapist ever diagnosed her with having a histrionic or narcissistic personality. He would have been right on the money.

So, why? was the ultimate question. Why did he stay with this girl he clearly thought was a nut-case? It was quite simple, really.

Ryan was the only one immune to the charms and tricks of Marissa Cooper.

He held an authority over her that would always give him the upper hand. In the end it was always her throwing her arms around him and begging him to take her back. She would run out of that pool house only to run right back in. He would never bend and break to her tactics. She would cry her heart out to him and he'd stand there, emotionless. He was the never-ending hole in her plan. And they both knew it.

It was this shift in power that lay at the foundations of their relationship. It was what made Marissa drop her bullshit and act like a real person. It was what made her love him, genuinely and completely.

Ryan could shape her any way he wanted and she would be eager and do anything to fit the mold he chose.

She was always his, no matter what the cost. Even though he was never fully hers.

It wasn't as if they had a completely one-sided relationship where Marissa swooned over him and Ryan blew her off as he saw fit. Deep down, he loved and cared for her as well, only not in the same way she did.

Ryan's love for Marissa was more like an obligation, something he felt he was held accountable for, an expected duty for him to fulfill.

He loved her with that universal love. The way you loved a friend or a sibling or a pet. Not with that passionate "I can't live without you" kind of love. Not the way Seth loved Summer or Sandy loved Kirsten. Not the kind of love that was expected in an epic tale like theirs. He had only loved her like that when they first met, before he had seen her in action, before everything came crashing down around them and she showed her true colors. Now, there was no hope of ever conjuring up feelings like that again. His ignorance had been replaced by knowledge and first-hand experience of what she was like.

Of course he'd never willingly tell anyone that. Not that he had to; it was written all over them. In their body language, their kisses or lack thereof, their conversations which sounded like they were between long-time-no-see acquaintances as opposed to boyfriend and girlfriend.

The sex also followed suit. Ryan had to admit he was finally grateful when she caved and gave it to him. A part of him wondered why it took so long, they weren't virgins, and with all the shit she put him through she at least owed him that. It had been good but nothing out of the ordinary, no cursing or screaming or kinky stuff involved. The steps that led up to it were also pretty mundane as well. They'd make out for a while, she'd start tugging beneath his jeans or his fingers would find his way up her skirt, clothes would come off, they'd swap oral sex, he'd fetch a condom and plop down on top of her, there'd be some normal gasping and moaning, he'd come, she'd come; bada bing, bada boom, that was it.

Their relationship had everything that was needed in it so she couldn't really complain. They hung out, they talked, they fucked, did all that was required of them. The spark was the only thing missing from them. But Ryan had put that out a long time ago, standing alone in the Harbor School hallway as he realized just what Marissa was all about.

Had this been two years ago when they were first together and his feelings were real, this would have been perfect. Now he was just going through the motions.

Any sane person would ask Ryan why he put himself through all this trouble, why he didn't just break up with her and be friends. That person had obviously never attempted being "just friends" with Marissa Cooper. It was a hundred times easier to just be with her then to deal with her blatant flirting and wanting to be with him 24/7, claiming that was what "friends" did. If they were officially together then she was reassured and not jumping on his back all the time. He got a little peace from her dramatics and plus, he got to have sex on a regular basis. There was definitely no harm in that.

However, people did tend to ponder the logic behind Ryan's decisions. Sandy had basically asked him what the fuck he was doing with her after his expulsion for school. Kirsten was surprised to hear they were back together and gently asked him if "he was sure that was what he really wanted", which translated to "why the hell would you get yourself into this again?" Summer had tried to discretely drop hints at first about how she thought the two of them "were doing fine the way they were", while shooting him a look that clearly advised him to steer clear of the ticking time bomb that was her best friend. And Seth, at first willing to do anything to restore the Fantastic Four to all its glory, eventually came to his senses and flat out asked Ryan, a week after the showdown with Trey, how he could possibly stay with her after all that had happened. Truth be told, shooting one's brother did throw the average couple through a loop. Or an upside down roller-coaster.

Trey had changed everything. The mere weeks he was here had rocked Newport Beach off its axis. Marissa helping out his brother had really touched Ryan. He hadn't seen it as yet another one of her ploys to befriend some poor nobody. Ryan had seen it as a demonstration of her continuous affection for him and for the first time in over a year he saw the girl who bummed a cigarette off him, who kissed him on the ferris wheel, the one who didn't seem to mind where he came from and always seemed to be interested in every detail of his life. And for the briefest of moments, he fell in love, _real _love, with her again.

And as usual as anything in Newport or anything involving Marissa, it didn't last very long.

His mind had swirled with images on that infamous drive to Trey's apartment. Seth's words repeated in his head and slowly unfolded in his mind as he comprehended the situation, creating his own fabrications of Trey forcing himself on Marissa, realizing and understanding the reason for her strange behavior as of late.

As much as Marissa drove him crazy at times even she didn't deserve this. For once she wasn't wrong in playing the victim. It wasn't fair that _his_ fuck-up brother had done this to her.

But then it wasn't exactly fair that his fuck-up brother wound up with a bullet in his back either.

Ryan blamed himself more than her for Trey's comatose state. He was well aware of the fact she had saved his life but he couldn't help wishing in spite that she had aimed for a leg or something or that she hadn't been so overly nice and fucking got drunk at Trey's apartment with him. It _was_ understandable why Trey thought she was into him, Ryan was _sure_ that his brother hadn't run across anything like that before. The girls were a little more forward in Chino, mind games didn't exist.

But it was Ryan's guilt that more or less made him unable to call it off with her. When three days after it happened, Marissa came to him at night in the pool house, beautiful and crying tears she actually had the right to cry, he couldn't turn her away. This time it was his fault. His brother. His insatiable temper. His responsibility. He didn't have the heart to let her down.

And thus, Ryan's fate was sealed. He would be with her to keep her sane. He'd channel his feelings of friendship-like love into their passionless relationship. He'd be like everything else in this town, perfect on the outside but empty in the middle. Because he knew she'd break without him, and he didn't want to have to watch her scurry to find her pieces on her own.

The sound of the pool house door opening and closing fled to Ryan's ears from inside the bathroom, along with the clank of dress shoes on the floor that could only belong to one person.

Ryan sighed, bracing himself before his hand clutched around the doorknob and he opened the bathroom door.

_Here we go again._

fin.


End file.
